Anything for the booze
by ShikibaOokamiDragonRider
Summary: Shinji/Mello. THE FIRST SHINXMELL ON FF...I think. No lemon tho...so sad. Review and i might make there be one. XD half-crack brain stew results. Enjoy. I SUCK AT SUMMARIES. REVIEW! Review if you love Mello's pants...go on, you know you do. XD


**AN: I think this might actually be the first ShinXMell of FF! O.o woah… Definitely going to be OOC, cause I haven't read Bleach in ages. But this is kindof a crackfic, so whatever.**

**Anyway, AU, setting: LA, where Mello lived.**

**And for anyone who's read Loveless up through book nine, you'll know who the bartender is. XD**

**I'll probably write a more serious ShinxMell at some point, but here goes.**

**Listening to: Jizz in my pants by The Lonely Island.**

**-line of doom bitchezz- **

Shinji stumbled to the exit of the club, sending dirty looks at the freaky bartender the whole while. The nerve! Cutting him off right when he was getting good and drunk. _I hope his tattoo gets infected and falls off his face. What kinda asshat gets BLOODLESS tattooed on his face for Christ sake, anyway? _

The man simply gave Shinji a finger wave as he went to step out the side exit, and unfortunately for Shinji, it distracted him enough to trip over the doorframe, and send him sprawling drunkenly out. He hit the pavement with a painful thump and a curse.

"Twatsucker…" He grumbled, spitting gravel and a dead cigarette butt out of his mouth. He shook his head like a dog as he sat up, flinging his blonde hair back into place. It was only as the flickering streetlight caught something shiny that he shifted his gaze from the ground and realized belatedly that he had fallen right in front of someone…someone in very, _very_ tight leather pants. He quirked his head to the side at the sight, but stood up clumsily to get out of their way.

"Nice pa…hair?" Shinji stared at the man (er, what he presumed was a man). Blonde hair, cut in a face-framing bob, blue eyes, lanky…what was this guy, his long lost fucking twin? It was downright…weird. The (guy?) sent him a rather scathing look that Shinji ignored.

"Just wondrin'…are you a dude or a chick? Cause we could like, totally be fricken related or somethin'."

The leather-pants-scathing-look guy sent him ANOTHER scathing look (also ignored).

"You're blocking the door." The man, (proven by the husky voice) replied impatiently, obviously not in the mood to talk to drunk strangers, whether they looked like him or not.

"And _you're _standing on a used condom." Shinji replied matter-of-factly. "Noticed that while I was down there."

The man snorted disgustedly, and stepped away quickly. However, his cool I-may-be-girly-but-I'm-still-badass exterior was somewhat diminished.

"Tell ya what, how about you tell me your name and I'll let you in." Shinji grinned coyly, positioning himself in the doorway.

"Tell _you _what…move or I blow your—"

"Ooh, now _that's _something I might enjoy!"

If Shinji had been in his right mind he probably would have regretted interrupting, because the look he was receiving was literally borderline insane. What kind of guy goes psychopathic over a little flirting? Something in the back of his mind warned him that he might want to just step back and let him pass before he got his head ripped off and his vocal cords used for floss, but he squelched the reason, and held his hands out in mock apology.

"Whoops, my bad. You're the dom. Obviously."

"Shut the fuck up and let me through."

"Not till I get a name!"

Anger-issues-man reached in his pocket, and Shinji began to regret not letting him through. Was he going to get knifed right there in the door way? There was a moment of suspense as he waited to see what was being retrieved, and was relieved to see…a bar of chocolate?

Yup…that was definitely chocolate. It was unwrapped vigorously, and then bitten in a manner that was almost carnivorous. However, PMS-ing-chocolate-man seemed to relax almost instantaneously as the chocolate hit his tongue. He looked a little less murderous and a little more exasperated.

"Call me Mello. Now move it."

Shinji smirked widely, showing all his teeth, and stepped aside, allowing Mello to pass, then he followed him back inside, lingering behind him as he sauntered to the bar and ordered his drink (_chocolate, of course_; Shinji rolled his eyes, then glowered at the bartender.) Mello turned around and found himself face to face with Shinji…who was really annoying Mello to no end.

"Are you just going to stalk me all night like some drunken idiot or do you have a purpose for standing obnoxiously close?"

Shinji threw his arm around Mello, this time simply to bother him.

"How about this…buy me a couple more drinks and I'll let you take me back to your place once I'm totally wasted and willing to do _anything…_?"

Mello stared, apathetically, for once, before letting a smirk stretch across his face, almost rivaling Shinji's smirk earlier.

"Anything, hm? You might just have yourself a deal. What'll you have?"

Shinji smirked as well, and told Mello his request. (WTF, how about a slippery nipple?)

He'd figured Mello might just be narcissistic enough to take him up on his offer…after all, anyone who spent that much time on their hair would probably fuck themselves if they ever actually had the chance.

But then, Shinji wasn't really one to talk, was he?


End file.
